The world has forever changed since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks on the World Trade Center. We as adults know we are vulnerable to violence and terrorism; we have a hard time understanding and coping with these fears.

  But imagine how all this uncertainty must seem through a childs eyes. As parents and caregivers, we have a huge responsibility to children during these times. They look to us for answers and we should be able to provide them.

  Baptist Online spoke to Charles (Chuck) Scruggs better known to children and parents as Mr. Chuck. He is the host of WKNO-TVs Emmy Award-winning childrens television program Hello Mr. Chuck, which airs on public television stations in Tennessee; Philadelphia, Penn.; and Washington, D.C. Mr. Chuck also appears on WKNO/PBS Ready to Learn Information Features, which assist parents and caregivers in preparing children for kindergarten and first grade. 

Q. What are the most important things you can do to help your children feel secure during uncertain times?

A. Listen, observe, and talk with your children, not at or to them. Listen and observe and you will know what to talk about. Depending on the age of your child, sometimes words are not enough. Children pick up on your moods and feelings very quickly; theyre like little antennas. But sometimes they dont have the words to express their feelings. Thats where the parent comes in. Dont let those moments pass by; they are fleeting. Life lasts a lifetime, but childhood lasts only a few years. The most crucial period is between birth and 5 years. Once that time is over, its gone and shall never return.

Q. What are things you should avoid doing to help your children feel secure during uncertain times?

A. 1) Dont over-explain things. Were talking about children 8 and younger here. The worst thing you can do is to give them more information than they can use or handle and then leave them in a worse state of frustration and concern than they were before.

2) Dont be an alarmist. Dont give away by your demeanor the sense of alarm that you want to keep your child from experiencing. You want to make sure when you say no problem that you dont act like there is a problem. You want to be as honest as possible. Or if there is a problem, you could say something like, We are having a little problem. Things are going to be alright. Ill take care of you. Then engage in more positive conversation.

3) Dont dwell on the negative. Try to turn scary or uncertain situations into opportunities for learning. For instance, during a thunderstorm you might talk to your child about rain and the good things it makes possible grass, trees, flowers, streams and rivers. 

Q. Why is it important to talk to your children during uncertain times? It is tempting just to ignore the bad things that happen. Isnt it better just to shield your children from bad news?

A. You are your childs only source of real information. You are their most trusted source. You want to be the first person to give your children information on crucial topics. Someone else whose information you may not approve will likely expose them to the topic. If they have heard your version first, they are likely to rely on that because they trust you — based on a foundation of love and security. That is why listening and talking with your children is so vitally important. They are looking to you for information. If you dont provide it, someone else will.

Q. How do you know how much information to share with your children when a disturbing event occurs? (9-11 attacks, the tornados that destroyed parts of Jackson, Tenn., etc.)

A. In my view, there are two different types of parents. There are the parents who have talked with their children from day one. Then there are parents who have not established a pattern of conversation and communicate with their children by giving orders. Giving orders or directives is not having a conversation.

  When you have conversations with your children all the time, eventually they will start talking back to you. They have learned the words from you and communicate with you through words and actions that you have modeled. If you have established communications with your children, you will know the amount of explanation that should meet your childs needs. You will know at various ages what your children have learned and observed. This is accomplished through conversations with your children. They have an opportunity to provide feedback, which helps you to better understand each other. 

  In times of crisis, parents who have not practiced this will not understand the value of conversation. They will not know what to say and how to interpret their childs reaction. A lack of understanding will only compound the stress and frustration the child is experiencing. 

Q. Should parents always tell their children the truth or is it ever OK to lie to your children even if you are just trying to protect them?

A. I cant think of a case where a lie would be justified. Not telling your children everything about a situation because you dont think they can handle it may be OK. Parents must decide what their child needs to know. When they are old enough you can tell them more of what they need to know. But it is never appropriate to lie to a child. You never know when your child is going to learn the truth, and you may not be there at the time to tell your child your side. 

Q. Should you let your children watch the news?

  For very young children the answer is no. The news today as we know it is not for children. Parents have no control over the content. You may have a warm, fuzzy story right before a story about a murder or a robbery. Every story requires so much explanation for which young children are not ready.

  Children ages 9-12 may be able to handle some news, depending on how mature they are. Its important that parents watch the news with children so they have an opportunity to discuss issues and answer their childrens questions. Most children dont have the experience necessary to put the news in perspective on their own. If their parents arent there for them, they are going to get answers to their questions somewhere else.

Q. Why is it important to limit the amount and content of childrens television viewing?

A. Television in a broad sense does not lend itself to creative thinking or positive emotional and cognitive development in young children. Some programs do. Children younger than 2 should watch little or no television; they should never watch alone. After 2, viewing should be limited to the time adults have to spend watching television with their children, except in rare cases. An adult should control childrens television. The television should not control the household. Families should have a family television viewing policy that governs family viewing practices.

  Viewing selected television programs together with children, or as a family, can contribute greatly to helping young children develop vocabulary and cognitive skills. Turning the television off and engaging in family fun activities helps even more.

Q. Are there resources parents can consult for more information about helping children feel secure in uncertain times?

  The Mister Rogers Web site has several good articles and video clips for parents and teachers: Helping Children Deal with Their Concerns about War and Violence; Helping Parents, Teachers, and Caregivers Deal with Childrens Concerns about War (by Fred Rogers with Hedda Bluestone Sharapan); and Timeless Wisdom from Fred Rogers. Another good resource is the PBS Parents Web site.