Family care is the most critical factor in preventing or delaying nursing home placement of frail seniors. Providing this care can be rewarding, but also physically and emotionally exhausting. The demands of work, home and giving care are often a struggle to balance. 

  When you are the caregiver, experts recommend that you save some caring and compassion for yourself. Several studies have noted that family caregivers suffer from more stress and illness than the general population, and they have a greater frequency of depression. In fact, "well spouses" (overwhelmingly women), who care for spouses suffering from chronic diseases such as MS, cancer, Parkinson's or Alzheimer's, often develop their own medical problems and other symptoms of stress overload. 

Caregiver burnout is a common phenomenon, but there are a few practical steps you can take to reduce the stress of caring for an elderly parent, relative or ill spouse. 

• Build a support system. Whether it's a friend, relative, religious official or formal therapy, the result is the same — you relieve stress by talking about your situation. Emotional support is essential for your well-being.
• Giving care can be rewarding, and it is something you do instinctively when the recipient is a parent or spouse. But recognize the range of emotions that accompany giving care — rage, anxiety, guilt, fear, frustration and resentment are entirely normal. 
• Separate yourself from your loved one's condition. You can sympathize with the person, but continue to do things that make you happy. Don't deny yourself pleasure while you are caring for your loved one. Experts say that allowing time for yourself makes you a better caregiver — one of the biggest mistakes you can make is to give up your own life to take care of the patient.
• Don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it. Home care, adult day care or housekeeping services can give you a break. Respite care can provide a health worker to lend an occasional hand in the home. Friends and family are often willing to help with specific tasks, like running errands or just sitting with the person so you can take some time for yourself. You aren't withdrawing or being unfaithful if you summon outside help — you can't always do everything yourself.
• Be realistic about what you can and cannot do for an aging or ill relative. You can't reverse the situation, but you can offer support and help with medical attention or coordinating details. 

A tip from the experts: You cannot give good care unless you take care of yourself too.

For assistance with giving care or more information on being an effective caregiver, call:
American Association of Retired Persons 202-434-2277
Children of Aging Parents 215-945-6900
National Council on Aging 202-479-1200
National Adult Day Services Association 202-479-6682
National Family Caregivers Association 301-942-6430