Independence and individuality begin to emerge in two year olds. They are compelled to explore the extent of their new found personal power. They often say "no" to every request, test limits, and resist attempts at control. This period, of what may seem at times to be total negativity, is often called the terrible twos. Bossiness, temper tantrums, and imitation are common behaviors.

Two-year-olds are passionate about getting their own way. They want do things for themselves, like run without constantly falling and climb up stairs and chairs. They want to be in charge of what they wear and eat, where they go, and what they do. A toddler's bossiness is a method of testing how much power they really have. They will do things purposely to provoke parents because they want to know that they are loved even when they are bad. These toddlers are great imitators of behavior that they see and hear. If the parents tend to be bossy, so will the child. Handle bossiness with firmness and kindness. In time, children will see that there are better ways than their demands to get what they want.

Try these strategies to avoid problem behavior and reap the reward of a happy, well behaved, and independent child:
* Relax and approach your child with understanding and humor. Remain firm when necessary.
* Introduce sensible limits. Give your child a positive option when saying no. Offer compromises ("I will let you have one cookie, but not three") or suggest alternatives ("You cannot run in the parking lot, but you can run around the yard when we get home").
* Frame choices to avoid negative answers. Meet your desires and give the child something that is wanted. For example, do not ask if the child wants to go to the park. Instead, ask "Do you want to play on the swing or the slide when we get to the park?"
* Create opportunities where the child can safely be in charge.
* Discipline by channeling the child's behavior into suitable actions, not by punishing.
* Defuse power struggles by saving your authority for larger issues.
* Be patient.

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